Written by Featured Guest Blogger (and our friend) Melissa Cohen, LCSW, CPC, IEC Therapist & Life Strategist
When we discuss redefining ourselves, we are speaking about describing who we are and who we want to be. For many of us, this is an ongoing process. We change all the time – daughter, sister, adult, wife, mother, and the list goes on. Most of the time it flows and we can take on a new persona with a new title and responsibilities easily. But when it comes to divorce, it is not always so simple. Whether it is an uncontested divorce or not, there are so many changes that occur it becomes difficult to picture who this new person will be. Our thoughts and the course of action we had originally set for ourselves may not make sense anymore, may become too overwhelming and we may get stuck.
When we get married, divorce is not something that we think of so when it happens, for any reason, our lives get turned upside down. It is not usually part of the story that we tell ourselves as we grow up. So, how do we change the story? How do we adjust, so that divorce does not define who we are?
First, it is essential that we become comfortable with our new definition. It may not be what we planned but it is what we have. Next, we must continue to set goals for ourselves. As life goes on, things will happen and our roles will change. Whether the changes are good or bad, we can’t let that stop us from being our best we can be. So that we may continue to succeed, we do not need to give up our original goals, we just need to tweak them so they fit us better. Once we do that, we can modify the path that will get us there.
These quick strategies will help you embrace your new role so you can adjust your goals and begin to rewrite your story:
- Create a positive support system – get rid of the negative
- Stop worrying about what others think about you
- Focus on yourself
- Stop making excuses
- Set realistic and achievable goals
Just be honest and clear with yourself. Start with what you can do not with what you can’t. The more you achieve, the easier the flow will become and the more confidence you will have. Remember, divorce is hard but an uncontested divorce with It’s Over Easy can make it less complicated.