Written by Ben Hartwig
Even if a divorce ends without any major hiccups, the day after it becomes final can hit you like a truck or an epic hangover.
It's often a mix of emotions you never knew existed or didn't expect to be on the receiving end of. Anger, joy, heartbreak, anxiety - if the feeling has a name, chances are you're going to have a front-row seat to experience it. It's not all bad, and what's awesome about it is that It's Over Easy because nothing lasts forever.
The time frame after your divorce hangover is when the real work begins. There's no need to reinvent the wheel, but you ARE going to reinvent yourself.
Here are a few tips on how to rediscover yourself after divorce:
- Stay Present
- Embrace Freedom
- Rediscover Yourself
- Shake Things Up
- Update Your Look and Be Healthy
- Get Back in the Game
- Reconnect with Your Friends
- Refresh Your Wardrobe
Stop and take a deep breath. Give yourself time to adjust to the new norm, because this is your new normal. Life after a divorce is a process of mourning and acceptance. If you feel overwhelmed with everything that's going on around you, stop what you're doing, close your eyes, and breathe.
Keep in mind, your divorce can be a roller coaster of emotional turmoil, even if it was you who wanted it in the first place. A marriage that ends in divorce can easily feel like a failure, but when self-doubt starts to creep in, remember that today is the first day of the rest of your life. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities. At least 50% of the time, marriages end in divorce. It happens. ,
2. Stay Present
We should learn from our mistakes, but dwelling on the past can be a trap. If you keep looking back, you're bound to miss what's happening right now, right here, in the present. Today is what's important because it's where you are.
Your history will always be a part of you, but it is not the only thing that defines who you are. Turn the page toward your next chapter and practice living in the moment. Never allow your past to hold you prisoner, and if you're having trouble letting go, mental health care, therapy and other wellness tools may be helpful.
3. Embrace Freedom
Getting divorced after a the break down of a marriage may be many things, but most importantly it should feel liberating. Enjoy your newfound freedom! No one is holding you back from living the life you want to live. Do all the things you used to love doing, but couldn't anymore because your ex wanted to do something else.
You can also do all the things you've always wanted to do. Start by creating as many new experiences as possible. Take a road trip, skydive, move to another country - the sky's the limit! Don't rush into another relationship post-haste, though. Thirty million people are living alone in this country. Enjoy the freedom of being single.
4. Rediscover Yourself
Now is the best time to burrow deep into your life and peel back the other "versions" of you that have formed over the years. A divorce is a second chance, and what better way to approach your next chapter than by being the best version of you! Think back to who you were before your marriage. That person has experienced so much, and here you are today stronger, wiser and more aware than ever before of what you want and what you do not. Spend time appreciating the person you have become and make yourself your priority.
5. Shake Things Up
If you ever wanted to sport a particular haircut or adopt a different look, now is the perfect time to do it. Making a change in your appearance can shake things up. These include changes to your clothing, hairstyle, accessories, makeup, and even weight.
6. Update Your Look and Be Healthy
If you feel you've been neglecting yourself for the past few years, that all should change after a divorce. Go to the salon for a little pampering or your favorite barbershop for a killer cut and shave. Explore sustainable fashion or take some time to find a nutritionist, a yoga teacher or some other professional to work with to create a new diet and/or exercise plan.
Set attainable goals when it comes to working out. If you're willing to commit to a program and a diet plan, you will see results. You can also add activities such as walking and hiking if you love the outdoors. Looking and feeling healthy contributes a lot to your reinvention efforts.
7. Get Back in the Game
When the time is right, you may want to start dating again. The dating game can be a little intimidating if you haven't done it in ages! Don't worry; there are millions of people like you who are starting fresh after a divorce. You can connect and meet new friends via social media and online dating.
Be careful of the people you meet online, though, as there are a lot of predators and scammers out there using fake profiles. If you feel strongly about a person you recently met online, it won't hurt to run a criminal background check on him/her to keep yourself safe.
8. Reconnect with Your Friends
It's understandable to spend the bulk of your time with your husband/wife and kids during the marriage. The unfortunate side effect of having no time for your friends is that you drift apart from each other. Now that you're divorced, you have time to catch up and reconnect with your friends at your own pace.
9. Refresh Your Wardrobe
You can't jump back in the dating game with a drab set of threads. Feel more confident about yourself by investing in new clothes. Check out what your current wardrobe looks like, and add a few items that can help you stand out in a crowd. If everything you own seems a bit dated or screams Sunday church, head to an online store, or if there's a brick and mortar store in your area, go! Ask a friend to tag along for an extra set of eyes.
10. Take a Much-Needed Break
A little "me" time can do wonders for you after a divorce. Although there are plenty of things to consider, such as your children and finances, some alone time can be refreshing. The divorce process can be stressful and emotional, even if you've saved money by doing it online on It's Over Easy. Taking a vacation can help ease your mind, soothe your soul, put things in perspective, and keep you grounded.
Getting a divorce is not the end of your story. It's a chance to reinvent yourself and start fresh with a blank slate.
Ben Hartwig is a Content Director at InfoTracer who takes a wide view from whole system. He authors guides by sharing the best practices and does it the right way!
Go to this page about online divorce to learn more.