If you’re preparing for divorce, you might be reluctant to seek outside input. After all, a troubled marriage can be a deeply isolating experience--and every unhappy marriage is unhappy in its own unique way. No matter why you’re seeking a divorce or how certain you are of your decision, it’s wise to learn from people who have been there, who have studied the topic, and who know how to thrive in the face of life’s challenges.
These 10 TED talks are must-views for anyone preparing for a divorce. Whether you’re eager to move on with your life or heartbroken over what you’re losing, these experts can help you plow ahead into a better existence.
- Esther Perel: Rethinking Infidelity
Can commitment and passion co-exist? Is it possible to sustain desire over the long-term? Why do people cheat? The answers might be quite different from what you think. Esther Perel has spent her life studying how to sustain desire in relationships. It turns out that emotional closeness and intimacy might not be as important as you think. It seems instead that passion thrives in uncertainty, which is exactly what infidelity offers. Could an affair be a marriage saver? Perel thinks the answer might be yes.
- Jenna McCarthy: What You Don't Know About Marriage
This light-hearted talk pokes fun at our culture’s bizarre wedding rituals, while pointing to deeper truths about marriage. What makes a good marriage work? It’s not as simple as it seems, and common wisdom may offer advice that actually harms your marriage.
- Tamara D. Afifi: The Impact of Divorce on Children
It’s not necessarily divorce that harms children, but the long-lasting struggle of feeling torn between two beloved parents. Don’t put your child in the middle of your conflict. Tamara D. Afifi offers practical tips for shielding your child from the impact of your divorce.
- Michelle Rosen: Do You Really Qualify for Divorce?
Too often, divorce is a unilateral decision made by one party. What if you could approach divorce in the same collaborative spirit with which you entered your marriage? Rosen walks couples through a process of evaluating their relationship and deciding whether it’s worth saving. The process can help no matter what you decide, and may make your divorce much less unpleasant.
- David Sbarra: Surviving Divorce
Did you know that divorce can be contagious? Many couples enter into divorce with no clear idea of why they are divorcing, and no understanding of how to build a better relationship. This talk walks couples and individuals through the process of divorce, helping them decide whether it’s the right choice for them.
- Renee Williams: How to Rock Your Divorce
Divorce doesn’t have to be tragic. In fact, it can be a path to a better, more fulfilling life filled with love and laughter. Renee Williams helps you understand what you truly want out of life, so that divorce can become a generative process of discovering yourself, not a tragedy.
- Dr. John Gottman: The Best Predictor of Divorce
John Gottman has studied divorce for his entire career. Think you know what causes divorce? Think it’s money or infidelity? Think again. Criticism and contempt are the real culprits. They poison marriages and minds, and can even make you sick. If you’re on the fence about whether to divorce, purging these poisons from your marriage can help you reclaim what you once loved about your marriage.
- Astro and Danielle Teller: The Sacred Cows of Marriage and Divorce
Widespread cultural assumptions about divorce and marriage serve no one. Through their own divorces, Astro and Danielle Teller learned what works, what doesn’t, and how to use divorce as a learning tool. Based on the pair’s book, this talk helps couples consider their views on marriage, and question where those views came from.
- Alyssa Monks: Finding Beauty in Imperfection
Painter Alyssa Monks finds beauty and inspiration in the unknown, the unpredictable and even the awful. In a poetic, intimate talk, she describes the interaction of life, paint and canvas through her development as an artist, and as a human.
- Herve G. Wery: Divorce, Separation: Love Your Children No Matter What
Divorce isn’t the end of your family. It’s the birth of a new type of family. No matter how you feel about your ex, you must find a way to come together in love for your children. Herve G. Wery reminds parents why they must do this, and helps them divorce without hurting their children.